The Mammogram

I had a mammogram years and years and years ago, like when I was… I dunno, early 30-something or so, because I had a sore spot on my breast. Nothing came of that and all was good. But it was good to get one under my belt. Then I had my first regularly scheduled it’s-time-to-start-doing-this-thing mammogram four years ago. They let me go a little later than usual because I had had that first one before that and it showed nothing mysterious. And I had put off that second one a bit because of nipple rings.

You see, everything I read on the Internet about mammograms and nipple rings said that they are a no go. That all jewelry above the waist would need to be removed. And wow, what a pain in the ass that would be for me. It would mean a trip to the piercing shop, none of which I was currently on terms with, perhaps a trip back if they didn’t have the plastic jewelry I needed to replace my metal hoops, having a piercer I don’t know replace my jewelry for me, getting the mammogram, and then maybe even having to go back to the piercer to have my original jewelry replaced. The reasons the Internet gave for removing all jewelry was pretty vague. Some said that the metal would interfere with the x-ray (Interfere? Ummm… dubious.). Some said the doctors are afraid that there might be lumps or bumps hiding behind the metal (In my nipple? Which sticks out? Dubious.). Some said long necklaces would interfere with the big machine moving around. That one I get! But a long necklace is easier to take off than body jewelry. I wasn’t ready to give up this mark of passage just yet, especially for another rite of passage that I wasn’t really looking forward to. So I called my diagnostic center (Doctors Imaging Group, if you’re interested, Ladies.). On the phone! And talked to a stranger! That’s how important this was to me. And you know what they told me? They told me that’s all bullshit. They asked me not to wear copious amounts of dangle jewelry, but my happy little nipples would be just fine all dolled up for the doctor. They said they are more worried about the liability of somone leaving an expensive piece of jewelry in the dressing room than the mammogram getting messed up because someone’s wearing earrings. That was such a relief! So I happily went to have that mammogram. And that was that. I had the mammogram, a quick ultrasound (Which I assumed was just to get a baseline since no one said anything otherwise.), and was sent on my way with a simple, ‘All clear!’ from the doctor.

All of this means that I was completely prepared for this mammogram. Which is good, because I was a little nervous about the outcome. I donned my tutu and my combat boots for the appointment, and was given a lovely cape when I arrived! It all went very quickly once I was called into the dressing room. The mammogram lady was super nice and just the right amount of chatty about just the right things (Walking Dead, natch.). I knew I’d have an ultrasound, so she promptly whisked me off to do that once she was done with the x-ray stuff. And the ultrasound went fine! I had read that it’s a good sign if the tech says nothing. And mine said nothing! Not even a ‘hrmmm’ or an ‘ohhhh…’. Good signs! She went off to have the doctor look at the pictures of my boob (She scanned just the one problem one.). The doctor came in a few minutes later. She said, ‘It’s a cyst! (Yaaaayyyy!!!) And the last one hasn’t changed at all. (Yaaayy… errrrr?!?!)
‘What cyst?!’
‘The cyst they found the last time you were here.’
‘No one said anything about a cyst the last time I was here.’
‘Well didn’t you get an ultrasound?’
‘Yeeeees, but still no one said anything about a cyst…’
‘Well there was a cyst. There is still is, and it hasn’t changed.’
‘Ok, thanks?’
And I was sent on my merry way.

You may recall from my last post that my GYN, Dr. Alderman, who I adore and respect and it totally cool and knows what she’s talking about, told me that if I was given an all clear and wasn’t referred for a biopsy by the imaging center that she would make a reference for me. She stressed that it was very important for me to not only have a mammogram and an ultrasound but a biopsy as well. And that’s scheduled for Wednesday! Yay?!